edit and fix the attached essay by using these recommendations:
1. Clarify your thesis statement and let me know what side are you in.
2.Stick to one consistent voice. The paper switches between first person, second person, and third person voice. For professional writing stick to third person voice.
3. Elaborate on your evidence, be sure to include your analysis of information included (in third person voice) of course.
4. Try to organize the ideas and make them more cohesive.